Essay writer’s name: Altea Peer’s name: Patrice

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
It was a good critique.

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
NO

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Anyone looking for more information on the film “A Walk to Remember”.

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?

Anyone who is old enough to understand a movie review and appreciate it.

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a. The analysis of the plot and the characters

b. The comparison of other movies the actors were in

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
A walk to remember is a great film, but has some minor flaws.

Is the thesis specific enough? YES

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES Par. 5 YES
Par. 2 YES Par. 6 YES
Par. 3 YES Par. 7 YES
Par. 4 YES Par. 8 YES

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment:
Yes

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES :

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES :

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
None

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES .
Present the thesis? YES
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES
d. Comments: Captures the mood of the article right off the back, which is good.

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES
b Provide something new to think about? YES
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES
d. Comments: A solid ending.

Writer: Altea Peer Respondent : Patrice Bendig

Instructions: Listen to the essay carefully. Take at least two minutes after the reading to complete the following notes, and then share your reactions orally with the writer. Submit the completed form to your teacher at the end of the Peer Response activity.

(+) What works? (praise)

Introduction leads write into the review which is good
Good critique of the acting in the opening scene
Good comparison of the book and the film version and comparing Mandy Moore to her other characters
Good comparison to Crossroads

(-) What Doesn’t (polish)
Maybe move the critique of the opening scene till after the summary of the film

(?) Questions?

Essay # _____

Writer _Altea_________________ Peer Respondent ____O’Brien___________________

Instructions: Listen to the essay carefully. Take at least two minutes after the reading to complete the following notes, and then share your reactions orally with the writer. Submit the completed form to your teacher at the end of the Peer Response activity.

(+) What works? (praise)
- did a good job of talking about the different aspect in the movie like the music and how it represented the teenagers
- does a good job with character analysis
- talks about the difference between the book and movie

(-) What Doesn’t (polish)
- draw a reader in who doesn’t like the movie or even a guy who is curious about the movie

Religion is a divisive joke.

Essay writer’s name____Altea____________ Peer’s name___Jordan___________

Instructions: Respond to the asterisked items first. If you have time, respond to the rest in numerical order. Do not confer with the writer when answering the questions.

*1. What were your reactions when first reading this draft? List some of them here.
I could relate to her situation because my girlfriend was in the same situation

2. Does the essay have a purpose beyond fulfilling the requirements of the assignment?
YES* NO What do you see as that purpose?to show how you felt not being able to get something you wanted so bad

*3. Who would be interested in the profile provided in this essay?
Girls who have guy trouble and trouble with their parents

4. To what audience is the essay directed, and is this the appropriate audience for the subject?
People in relationships and people wanting a relationship with someone

5. List two examples that show how this essay appeals to the needs of this audience. Refer to specific tone, word choice, details included, format, and so forth.

a.

b.

*6. What is the essay’s main point or thesis? Write the thesis sentence down here.
That every girl gets her dream at some point as long as they are patient

Is the thesis specific enough? YES* NO If not, make suggestions for narrowing the focus.

*7. Reread each paragraph, noting whether it is related to the thesis of the essay.
Par. 1 YES* NO Par. 5 YES* NO
Par. 2 YES* NO Par. 6 YES* NO
Par. 3 YES* NO Par. 7 YES* NO
Par. 4 YES* NO Par. 8 YES* NO

*8. Has the writer sufficiently covered of the topic, discussing the who, what, where, when, how, and why of the profile? Comment: yes she explained all aspects of the story with good detail

*9. Comment on the relevance and effectiveness of the information conveyed below.

a. Are the essay’s facts interesting? YES* NO SOMEWHAT
Please note any facts you found uninteresting or off the subject:

b. Does the essay make clear why all the information is significant?
YES* NO UNSURE If not, explain here:

c. Is the information understandable to you? YES* NO Comment:

d. Is the language clear, with technical terms defined? YES NO
List terms that need to be defined here:

10. In which paragraphs would you like to see more information (facts and examples)?
Par. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Why?

*11. Comment on the handling of the sources of the profile.

a. What person or persons were interviewed?

b. Explain what makes the person interviewed an appropriate source of information.

c. What other sources of information are used? (List them.)

d. Are quotations, facts, and paraphrases attributed and documented clearly and correctly?

12. Does the introduction
a. Get readers’ attention? YES* NO
b. Present the thesis? YES* NO
c. Introduce readers to the essay’s perspective? YES* NO
d. Comments:

13. Does the conclusion
a. Remind you of what has been said? YES* NO
b Provide something new to think about? YES* NO
c. Round the essay off smoothly? YES* NO
d. Comments:

2. I like the way that I organized the essay because it goes as how the story went but I added a paragraph or two towards the beginning so the audience can get to know Arber. Does it seem to fit in with the rest of the essay?
Yes because you need some detail on him because otherwise you can’t know what he is like and it makes him real.

3. Is there any way that I can put more detail for the story? Where readers would might want more vivid descriptions?
If anything I would add more detail to the part of how you met or something about your relationship. It just seems as though we don’t get to know your relationship together.

1. My thesis sentence at the end of the first paragraph is “The most important day of my life came when I changed from a girl to a woman”. That is what I want to say but I want to word it different. Should I leave it as is or is there a better way of wording it so my thesis statement comes out stronger?

No, it’s fine; however, you could use the word Transformed” rather than change. The thesis is good.

2. I like the way that I organized the essay because it goes as how the story went but I added a paragraph or two towards the beginning so the audience can get to know Arber.
Does it seem to fit in with the rest of the essay?

We think it did fit in well, and was actually necessary to do, but you left out other details.

3. Is there any way that I can put more detail for the story? Where readers would might want more vivid descriptions?

Yes, you should include more details on how you started dating Arber, what happens when you tell your father about your engagement Give more details on the aftermath of it all.

Group members- Richard Kluz, Dayna Teague Flynn, Louis Moshe Leon

1)I think that the original thesis statement was weak because you weren’t conveying your main idea, but it’t much better now

2) I think that it’s important for the audience to get to know Arber.. it fits

3)I think that the details are revelevant and build-up the narrative very well